"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day..." - Travelling 2016 part 3

(In case you missed part 2 of the travel blog, here it is!)

If we get hurt, our natural reaction is to fear that happening again. The niggling feeling in the back of your mind doesn't go away easily, the walls you build up in seconds take days, weeks, if not months to be knocked down. It isn't easy and anyone that ever pretends it is, is lying. Trust me.

But sometimes, things happen for a reason - I truly and honestly believe that. You might sit there at the time of being hurt, feeling distraught and think this is life forever; this is the way it's going to be. Trust me, it isn't. A few weeks ago I wrote a post called "25 things I wish I could tell my teenage self" and honestly, if I could go back to being 18, I'd tell myself losing loved ones, falling out with friends, losing partners, getting through everyday life when you feel like you're carrying the world on your shoulders, being in a job you aren't enjoying....it all hurts like hell, it's all confusing and there shouldn't be any shame in admitting that. Never.

Being on those plans on that 24 hour journey, all I wanted to do was write. I wanted to put into words how I was feeling, how things over the last 7 months had really gotten to me and how I felt like it was time to finally let it all go.

**

When I did finally get an hour to do nothing and relax, it felt nice to chat to someone that didn't mock how I was feeling or judge what I was saying. He just sat and listened, nodded in the right places and then offered his piece of advice.

Getting ready for the rodeo that evening I finally felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and was excited for the evening with everyone. Anyone that doesn't enjoy a rodeo in my eyes is absolutely bonkers; the atmosphere is always amazing and you can guarantee a real buzz around the grandstands. Honestly, if you get the opportunity to visit one....go!!

For the first time in what felt like forever I put on some make up that evening, curled my hair and basically spruced myself up with a dress and my cowboy boots. It felt like a far cry from the dirty, exhausted, make up free me I'd spent the last few days being.

Before the rodeo, we headed for some dinner at a local cowboy bar in Meteetse which are ever so friendly. They are the most welcoming bunch in there and by the end had us lining up at the bar posing for photos and asking if we wanted to make our own shots and cocktails, whilst making shots for us and telling us to down them! We had an absolute blast and took far too many pictures, but it was fantastic nonetheless!

Once we arrived at the rodeo, we quickly got to our seats and set ourselves down for the next couple of hours. Given the fantastic opportunity to watch bull riding, bronc riding, barrel racing and much more, I had the time of my life that evening cheering everyone on and enjoying the atmosphere. If there's one thing I'd love to try it would have to be bronc riding - I have absolutely no idea why as I completely get its dangerous, wild and not something someone like me would usually say, however I have always wanted to give it a go! Maybe one day....

As we sat watching the rodeo the sun began to set over the Wyoming mountains and Cody stadium, which made for some beautiful pictures. I couldn't help but sit there and for a few moments reflect on all that had happened and how peaceful it was to be out here.

However, all too soon the rodeo was over and it was time to head into Cody and to my favourite place - the Silver Dollar Bar! I have some wonderful memories of time spent in that bar with good friends I'd made whilst on my last trip to Cody and was eager to revisit. With a Vodka and Lemonade, we all sat around the tables sharing our best bits from the rodeo and our plans for the up and coming weekend, before heading to the back of the bar to play some pool with local cowboys.

I ended up chatting to a local cowboy who happened to be the rodeo announcer as well, which was lovely! However, before long and too many Vodkas later, it was time to head back to the ranch!

*

The plan for Thursday was to ride to Cow camp and then camp overnight there, get up early and ride back before the afternoon sun. We threw our overnight bags and any essentials into a bin liner and into the truck and then all got our horses ready for the long ride there. In my wisdom I decided that because we'd be riding all day and exposed to the sun I'd wear a vest top and try to get as much of a tan as I could whilst I had the chance seeing as not much sunbathing was being done! Cowboy Paul took one look at me and told me to put a shirt on, but I told him I had factor 30 suncream in my saddle bag and I'd be absolutely fine. He argued I'd get sunburnt and be moaning soon enough about the heat, but I argued back I would be fine and I wanted to top up my tan...

Take it from me readers, ALWAYS listen to a cowboy. Because they know. Don't ask me how they know, they just know....

Before long it was time to go and Tina and I took up our position at the back of the ride, ready for a steady march over to Cow Camp. As we climbed up mountains, negotiated our way on rocky terrain and tackled obstacles I sometimes had to close my eyes at I couldn't help but smile at the thought of getting a tan and how brown I was beginning to look! What I completely forgot and didn't even think of was the fact I had my sunglasses on......

So, sure enough, roughly 4 hours into my ride, I noticed my left hand starting to swell and upon taking my sunglasses off I realised my lovely brown tan wasn't in fact brown but more a bright shade of red. And the worst news? We were still 4 hours from Cow Camp...

Needless to say I spent the next 4 hours rather quiet, feeling poorly and struggling with an ever-growing hand from the sunburn and rubbing factor 30 into every inch of me that was exposed every 20 odd minutes. By this point though the damage was done and I was going to get the most hideous tan lines anyone could imagine. Joy; just the sexy, American, glow I'd always wanted.....

By the time we reached Cow camp, I was in agony and Paul took great delight in telling me the words I didn't want to hear "I told you so" but thankfully allowed me to flop down on a chair for an hour in the shade upon realising I really wasn't making up how poorly I felt. I downed more water than ever over that hour and sat with my sunglasses on closing my eyes, trying to feel better.

An hour in the shade with some water definitely did the trick and we all had a nice dinner that had been prepared earlier. The group commented they'd never seen me eat so much as I did that night and despite feeling more than ready for bed it was soon time to set the tents up and gather some wood for the campfire we were going to have.

I'll never, in a million years forget the moments we all experienced and shared that evening around the campfire, but most of all I'll never forget Cowboy Paul singing Country songs to us amidst the warm glow of the fire with the crackling of wood every few minutes. It was pure bliss, it was beautiful and its one of those moments that words just simply cannot describe.

I pulled up another chair, got in my sleeping bag and made my self comfortable so I was half lying down and half sitting up, but able to look up at the stars and quite honestly that's when it happened for me.

It's during those next few moments and hours staring up at the stars listening to the horses munching around us, snorting every once in a while, that I realised something had to change; I had to change. I'd spent the last 6-12 months unhappy from varying events. I'd let it rule my life, my happiness and my opportunity to meet someone else because a part of me always hoped that this wouldn't be permanent and things would be given another chance. I'd had the opportunity (in a roundabout way) to give something else a go, and because of the unhappiness following January, because of the ever impending question... "what if...?" I stopped myself from being truly happy.

There were so many opportunities I'd passed, so many nights out with friends I'd declined because I couldn't be bothered and relationships with friends I'd let slip because they always asked that dreaded question and I hated answering it...

There and then I made sure that tomorrow would be a turning point and I'd stop worrying about the future, about the fact I'd made all these plans at 18 for where I would be at 25. The house I didn't have yet, the steady boyfriend, the dog, the career I wanted..... it was all superficial. It wasn't important, yet it took me flying half way around the world to realise that.

And in that moment when everyone was asleep, and the crackling of the fire was slowly decreasing, the smoke was beginning to rise and the glow from the fire was slowly going out leaving the silhouettes of the tents fading deeper into the night I thought of the one person I wanted to tell me things were going to be okay and I thought of the one person I wanted to hug and sit up talking to - I thought of my Granddad......

.... and, although you'll think i'm making it up because you just couldn't write it, or get anyone to believe you because they'd think you'd gone crazy; in the next moment I saw a shooting star, made my wish and fell to sleep knowing that wherever I was in the world, Granddad was near.

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"One moment when you stand on your own" - Travelling 2016 Part 2

(In case you missed Part 1 of the blog, here it is!)

I sat on those planes and I did nothing but think. The journey to Vegas from Manchester was just shy of 10 hours and gave me plenty of thinking time. In between watching films such as "How to be Single" which made me sob into my travel pillow (that film is my life over the last 12 months - i'm not even kidding), and napping on and off, I reflected quite a lot on how things have changed for me even since January and how it's time to change something.

Quite honestly I think in the weeks leading to America I panicked. There was a situation I wanted to sort out. A situation I had panicked in and become somebody I'm not to someone for fear of being hurt like I was back in January, but I realised during that journey you can't live in constant fear; you can't tar everyone with the same brush and presume one persons going to do the same as another because it's not fair.

But this is what this trip was about. I wasn't running away from my problems like I'd been told, I knew I wasn't going for three months because I wanted to come home, make amends with someone and hopefully move from there. I was simply going to enable me to come home and start a fresh. Put the first 6 months of 2016 behind me, and come home ready to be honest with those around me and hopefully get what I wanted. This far from happened, but more on that later.

**

Cowboy Paul was every bit of what I remember from my trip last year. He spoke with such softness and meaning as he asked me how I'd ended up here again and told me all about the events which had happened in his part of the world over the last 9 months.

I told him I wanted a cowgirl hat this time and before meeting up with the group he took me around endless shops, trying on hats with me, telling me which colour I looked good in and which didn't suit me at all. We laughed, giggled and soon the conversation turned from serious to funny. Paul has always been a good listening ear; I remember back last year we spent several hours riding next to one another just talking and whilst he offers the best advice, he never presses for information but always knows what to say in reply. Sometimes his responses make you think "why on earth has he said that", but I soon learnt, once you pick it apart, they have meaning and clarity.

The group took a while to shop some more so once I'd gotten my hat we found some children outside one of the shops selling lemonade and had a couple of cups. It amazes me how different this country is to ours and it makes you wonder if Britain will ever be safe enough to let its children sit outside some shops selling lemonade to make some money.

Finally it was time to head back to the ranch and for Paul to give me an american driving lesson back to the ranch. I wasn't overly impressed with having to drive straight away having just had the most hectic 24 hours of my life, but I did it. When I told my mum and sister I'd finally arrived they both replied telling me to go and rest for a couple of hours as I hadn't had chance to at all, with all the stress of getting there. My reply went something along the lines of "you've got to be kidding, as if that'll happen" and I was right as upon arrival I was told after lunch we were going riding. I was exhausted and quite honestly felt the least enthusiastic about riding as I'd ever felt.

I was given the lovely Hazel to ride at first. Standing at roughly 15.2 hands and a true lady, Hazel gave me a lovely ride in the round pen. My friends back home weren't surprised to find she was a coloured as I always seem drawn to them! She was mannerly, responsive and very much like the lovely Tina that I'd fallen in love with last year, just seemed to love doing her job!

After a couple of hours playing tag and several other things in the round pen we were told we were off to round the cows up and send them up into the mountains a little more. I couldn't help but think I'd much rather be riding Tina when doing that as I know how much she loves it and how much I enjoy herding the cattle on her, however Hazel seemed just as eager and equally as competent. By now the sun was starting to set and I hadn't realised the time at all until I took my phone out to take a picture. It was 9pm in the evening and home seemed like a world away.

I sat in silence watching the sunset in front of me and home seemed the topic at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't help but think about the texts I wanted to send, but was struggling to find the words for and more.

Thankfully after another half hour in the saddle the cows were where they needed to be and we turned for home. I was exhausted, jet lagged and couldn't think of anything better than getting into my sleeping bag and hopefully waking up the next day slightly more refreshed and ready to go!

I slept like a log that evening but woke up the next day feeling more tired than ever. I always seem to struggle with jet lag - more so on the way home, but I think I'd been feeling so exhausted lately that it was finally catching up with me.

Tuesday was another filled day, with us first getting up to do chores and then heading out to get our horses prepared to drive to the cassie trail, which is a beautiful ride. It was an eventful morning as we watched the stallion cover two mares in the hope that both would become pregnant, rather than just one. He was slightly confused and frustrated when it then came to putting him on the trailer with the same mare next to him, but after a bit of kicking and testosterone flying around, it was decided the safest thing to do would be to move him to the front of the trailer with just a gelding, close the small partition and then put the mares at the back. Mind you, who can blame him!

The cassie trail is a beautiful ride, the trail leads you up several steep tracks until you get to the top where you can see for miles over the mountains. It really is breathtaking and despite it being my third time up there it still stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away, exactly like it did the first time. There really are no words to describe the views and no photograph anyone takes will ever do it justice. You really do feel on top of the world, quite literally. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and those in the group that weren't riders were pleased with their achievements of riding up there.

Soon enough it was time to head back down and load up ready to go back to the ranch. Once back, Hannah the wrangler and I had to take a couple of horses to the vets in the nearby town roughly half an hour away. A couple were having routine checks for an up and coming clinic, and another seemed to have an infection in the leg, so Hannah wanted him to get checked out to ensure there was nothing underlying going on. It was also the perfect opportunity for me to pop into the petrol station and grab some bits to eat and coke - there's only so much water you can drink!

The vets were absolutely lovely and intrigued to know about the veterinary centres back home and whether ours differed to theirs. It was great to have a chat with them and one things for sure - american veterinary centres don't seem to be half as busy as ours!

Finally we headed back to the ranch, had dinner and before long it was bed time ready to get up early the next day to ride the North fence!

*

A 5am start the next day wasn't on my agenda but it was nice to wake up just as the sun was rising, but a shame I missed it with the camera. I'd asked if I could ride Tina as I was quite keen to get back on her and have a good canter.

By 6am we were all loaded up in the trailer and on our way to the North fence. The plan was to ride around it all, check if anywhere needed patching up and then wrangle the horses there from one field to another. Tina was an absolute pro at wrangling horses and I loved nothing more than wrangling them on her - she was fantastic.

It was nice to get to know one of the other group members a bit more as we spent most of the ride chatting about why we were here and so on, but it made a nice difference than riding alone, which is what I usually end up doing.

After we'd checked the fence it was time to wrangle the horses back in. Plan A didn't quite go as we'd hoped, so I shouted to Paul to take over from me as lead horse and I'd go behind the horses to push them. Thankfully he agreed and I finally got my chance to do more than a walk on Tina and off we went into a canter, pushing the horses forward and scooting left or right to direct the strays back into the group.

I can't describe the thrill you get when it comes to wrangling and everything goes to plan. There isn't a feeling quite like chasing the horses and pushing them to where they need to be, watching them gallop there and knowing you've helped do that. Once we'd got the horses into their other field the vibes throughout the group was fantastic - for them it was the first time they'd experienced something like it and I was on cloud 9 that I'd gotten to experience it again.

Before long we were loading up and heading back to the ranch. One thing I really wanted to do that I regretted not doing the last time I was in America is having a go at driving the truck and pulling the trailer, so I asked Paul if I could drive home. He looked at me like I was absolutely bonkers (I hope my driving wasn't that bad monday!) but allowed me to have a go. Slightly nervous, I pulled off but soon enough realised it was easier than I thought it was and I began to relax!

Back at the ranch we were given the opportunity to ride a horse we hadn't ridden before. For me, the obvious choice was Stanley the stallion as I'd always wanted to have a go. Again, he'd covered a couple of mares in the morning so was a little full of it to say the least. To be quite honest he absolutely finished me off as he spent the best part of our ride bucking and just wanting to head to the mares. However, who can fault him - it's his natural reaction. It was a different ride to what I'm used to, to say the least and by the end of it I was absolutely exhausted. How the stallions are taught to be ridden with mares here compared to there is very different and I must admit, I'm not used to the way we were told to deal with him.

After a while I was exhausted and having not had a proper rest since getting there, I got off and headed outside to the pool to grab some sun and relaxation before it was time to get ready for the Rodeo that evening. I spent the afternoon chatting to another group member again about life back home and our backgrounds which was nice, but it felt good to finally get some make up on and head to the local bar for a drink and then onto the Rodeo for an evening out!

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“ Go, fly free like a bird and sort your head” - Travelling 2016 Part 1

As I’m sat writing this in a hotel room in Malta, I can’t help but reflect on how I actually got here or if I’m about to wake from some dream and find its all not been reality, like you see in the movies. 

These last couple of weeks have felt like a whirlwind that’s failed to stop; in fact the last 6 months have felt like that, and this trip was supposed to put a halt to it all. 

On the morning of my departure to America, where I was heading for just shy of a month, I received a text from someone that I hoped I'd hear from before I went, that simply read something along the lines of “sort your head out whilst you’re away”, and whilst that's what I intended to do, I wanted to tell them I think I knew what my head was telling me. But more on that later.

**

Saturday before leaving for America was every bit of hectic that it should be. I finally got around to packing at about 9:30 that evening which is just me all over; laid back and in no real rush. What was the point, I was on holiday! 

At this moment in time, I had no real idea if I was going for a month or three. Deep down I knew it would be only a month because I thought I had a reason to come home, and whilst people thought I needed the time to think what I wanted, I knew what I wanted but I just didn’t say anything - which in hindsight is something I massively regret doing - or not doing in this case. 

So, off I went at a ridiculous early time Sunday morning and mentally prepared myself for the 24 hours it would take to get to Cody. The route I was taking was Manchester to Las Vegas, then onto Salt Lake City and then onto Cody, where I’d be picked up and driven the hours drive to the ranch by the intern / wrangler. 

Everything was going swimmingly and I was excited, if not a little apprehensive, but predominately excited about my impending trip away; a real chance to escape life, work, stress, a relationship that had hindered the first two months of my year and so on. The flight to Las Vegas was easy and stress free however upon getting into arrivals this soon became a distant memory and my dislike for anything Vegas started. 

Firstly whilst going through customs I was one of the people to be stopped and randomly questioned before being allowed to enter the US border. I will tell you now, it was single handedly the most scariest moment of my life, being questioned and asked what was in my luggage, my purpose for travel and so on. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like you see on TV where you get taken into a separate room, but I must have been there for half an hour and the whole time, despite having nothing to declare, I was quite literally crapping myself! 

Once through I very naively expected all major airports in America would be like the one I experienced in Washington and all I’d have to do with my luggage is collect it and literally move it from one conveyor belt to another. How wrong was I…quite literally, so wrong! I walked to the connecting flight conveyor belt and check in desk for luggage straight after my customs escapade, to find no one was there, all the Delta staff had gone and I’d need to go from the terminal I was in, to another terminal a 10 minute drive away and re-check my bags again. 

Dressed for English weather, and with everyone in that terminal point blank refusing to take responsibility or help with my 3 huge cases, I had to go outside, wait for a shuttle bus and then go to the other terminal. My saviours came in the form of a couple that helped me with my bags when everyone else just watched as I struggled to move them and was amidst a meltdown…or about to have one! 

Finally after running around like headless chickens and the 5 hour waiting time I had in vegas, now down to an hour and a half I managed to get checked in and through security again. What an absolute nightmare! At this point I thought nothing else could go wrong and I’d soon be on my way to Cody. How wrong could I be. 

With not much time to go, I thought I’d find my gate for the connecting flight to Salt Lake City, and then visit a nearby cafe or shop and grab some food. Thankfully I did as all of a sudden they were announcing the flight to Salt Lake was broken and they’d be putting on a replacement, but people with connection flights from Salt Lake needed to see the staff immediately so we could be sorted first. Cue a mad dash into line, to end up standing near an English couple that oddly enough turns out they live just a mere 20 minutes from me and we have endless mutual friends! Again though, more on that later!

After being in line for what felt like hours, we were told all those with connecting flights after Salt Lake needed to get to another plane and quick! So, sticking like glue to the English couple, we ran as fast as we could to another Salt Lake City flight and waited in line amongst lots of rather irritated passengers, not really having a clue whats going on! Eventually they started letting people on the flight, got down to just two people in front of us and then announced the flight was full. WHAT? I was watching the time and realising at this point if we didn’t leave soon I’d miss my connecting flight to Cody, which was an absolute nightmare! 

I messaged the ranch to let them know and they said they’d leave the van at the airport for me to drive back to the ranch, which resulted in me going into a blind mad panic about driving in America having never done it before, driving on the wrong side of the road AND driving an automatic. Trust me, it did nothing for my nerves at that point! 

Anyway, the three of us slowly walked back to the previous check in desk under instruction to find we were being put up in a Vegas hotel for the night and we’d be put on new flights the next day. Which is all well and good being put up in a hotel in Vegas, but this was fast becoming a nightmare and I found myself just wanting to go home. 

The English couple shall forever be my main saviours that day as they shared a taxi with me to the hotel, helped argue when we were told we wouldn't be receiving our bags that evening and so on. They looked after me no end and I shall always be grateful for their help. 

Not wanting to waste my night in Vegas, I ended up playing a few games of Roulette before resorting to bed in the same clothes I’d spent the last 24 hours in and downing a rather refreshing vodka and lemonade. 

Roulette - or anything Casino related in Vegas is different to that of the Casinos you find in England. The buzz is something I can’t describe and people from all walks of life sit around the tables throwing anything from five dollars to hundred dollar bills at the person in charge, exchanging it for chips. I love roulette, it’s probably one of my guilty pleasures in life and soon enough I was onto a winning streak and found myself $40 up! Getting tired and not wanting to loose all my winnings, I decided to call it quits and head back to bed. 

The following morning, with no sleep and still in the same clothes, a phone call to my hotel room arrived from the lovely couple and we met for breakfast at 7am. One thing that makes me think I could live in America is their breakfasts. They are quite frankly out of this world! I had the biggest waffle you’ve seen, topped with strawberry’s, cream and syrup - it was to die for! 

Soon enough we were heading back to the airport and boarding our flight finally to Salt Lake City! It was a nice surprise to find i’d be been upgraded to 1st class - mind you its the least that could have been done for all the stress I’d experienced over the last 24 hours with even getting to America. 

After we touched down, it was time to hug the lovely couple I’d met and jump on the flight to Cody - after several hours, broken flights, tears and much more, I was finally on my way to be met at the airport by Cowboy Paul. 

I don’t think I’ve dropped my stuff and ran to jump into someones hug so fast before. Paul is one of those people that i’ll forever be grateful for getting the chance to know. He’s full of wisdom, great stories, advice and is one of the nicest men I’m sure i’ll ever meet. Soon enough we were catching up about events that had happened in the last 8 months, both for me and him, whilst on our way to meet the rest of the group. 

**

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