So, where were we when we left off on week 1? Here's the link to catch up if you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about when I begin waffling on about swaddling and breast feeding...
Anyway, week 2 was apparently focusing on 'The Birth'. The way the midwife said those two words made me want to puke a little bit in my mouth. The Birth - because what goes in, must come out (somehow...!)
Everyone looked a little sheepish this week, as if there was an elephant in the room that we all didn't want to talk about. Apart from my sister. She just had to be the one that said it.
"So, can we have as much pain relief as we want, from the moment we want it? Right?" Well...someone had to ask the question didn't they?
Mr and Mrs Super Organised looked at one-another and agreed they weren't having any pain relief and were hoping to go as natural as possible. They all say that though, don't they?
So, from the off set we started talking about water births and how to prepare; which was all fine and dandy, it helps the pain, allows you to have immediate skin-on-skin with the baby and your partner can jump in if he wants. Terri-ann and I nodded and quite honestly I thought "okay, this doesn't sound too bad" UNTIL....
"Don't worry about bringing a sieve if you're giving birth here, we provide them unlike some hospitals!" said the midwife as cool as cucumber like she'd said something as simple as "oh its sunny outside!"
Hang on, woah, back up... what ever do you need one of those for during birth? THEN it dawned on me. Ewww, yuck!
So Terri-ann and I quickly wrote that one off....next...!
A natural birth, but with some forceps and a hoover-type-thing thrown in for good measures. I can't remember the proper name, but again, we wrote this idea off and I decided if I was ever in this predicament then I definitely would be screaming blue murder for a C-section and not any intervention down there. I definitely didn't want a "small cut" just to help the baby out. No freaking way.
"Can the husbands request an extra stitch for good measures?" Asked Marshal - well, at least he asked I guess....
Which, nicely led onto C-Sections. Terri-ann and I smiled at one another as this was the one she wanted and the one I was 100% backing up by the sounds of the rest.
C-Sections always sound like the best way if you can look past not being able to do much for 6-weeks afterwards or being left with a scar. But its the least painful and almost a breeze, correct?
Wrong.
Hearing this I must admit I was more than disgruntled. Everyone had always made C-Sections sounds like a walk in the park. The baby came out as easy as it went in apparently. Woah, not according to this midwife.I don't know if the NHS paid her to sit for 2 hours on a Tuesday night and scare the living daylights out of the people of Nottingham, but oh my life, this is exactly what she was doing!
So, we quickly learnt that actually a C-Section is just about as gruesome as the rest and this giving birth lark sounded more and more like someones worst nightmare.
No one really had any questions this week. Oddly enough, as I sat and looked around the room all I saw was 4 rather pale looking women and a few equally as pale men. Me? I wanted to hide in my scarf, or run to the nearest nunnery and sign up.
Terri-ann was getting itchy, all she wanted to know was how much pain relief was legal when you're in any stage of labour and would she be given as much as she requested...because she's heard from someone that heard something from someone else that sometimes you're denied all the pain relief you want. I know, head bang against wall moment right now. The midwife shook her head at the "but I heard..." and swiftly cut Terri-ann off before she sent the other women running, too petrified to even comprehend getting this alien-like-thing out of them.
"You'll be given what you request, providing you're in the right stages of labour for whatever type of pain relief you're after." - Phew!
So it was all fine and dandy, until...
"Do you always poo when you're mid-push, because I heard this ALWAYS happens!"
Oh Terri-ann.
And that was that. Upon leaving we both decided getting this baby out clearly wasn't going to be as fun as it was getting it in!
Come back for Part 3 - Dealing with a newborn!
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