Dressing up the Caldene Way!

If you're no stranger to my blog, you'll know by now that if I could be, I'd be wrapped up in a million layers on those cold and blustery winter days.

I LOVE warm clothes and I'm one of those people that can't walk past big scarves or thick jumpers whilst out shopping. If it's warm, hand me one right now!

So when Harry Hall asked if I'd be interested in trialling their Caldene Luna Women's Jacket, I don't think I could've replied any quicker begging for the opportunity.

It looked toasty warm and perfect for those chilly days down the yard, so what more could I ask for?

For the last 2 weeks I have practically lived in the jacket, and I promise I'm not exaggerating. It's one of those jackets that's great for nipping to the shops in, riding in, mucking out, or even going off shopping. It's stylish enough to wear with a pair of jeans but practical enough to hop on and go for a hack in. I'd definitely describe it as one of those jackets that simply ticks all the boxes.

What makes it so good?

I'm sure all of you reading this hate getting cold and wet and find that element of dealing with horses the worst. You're probably not the only one that looks on in envy at your friends Instagram as they're all wrapped up warm in front of a log fire in wooly slipper socks whilst you're battling with 500kg moody mare in sub zero temperatures. Oh to have a normal life...

The Caldene Luna Women's Jacket is showerproof so for me that deserves one big green tick already. Showerproof is an absolute must when dealing with horses. Especially on the days where hosing legs off is a necessity and you seem to end up more drenched than the horse. Don't you just LOVE winter?!

It's also got a 260gsm fill, so imagine those medium weight turnout and stable rugs you put on your trusty steed and often think "I wish I could crawl under there too!" - well now you have your own! No need to steal them to wrap around you as you sit at the yard having a coffee and a natter now - just pop your Caldene Jacket on and pass the coffee.

For me, a coat isn't good enough if I have to take it off whilst I ride. I'm always stretched for time, so I need something versatile that isn't too bulky to ride in, but is equally as adequate to turn out in on frosty mornings and for me, this coat did exactly what it said on the tin!

There's a 2 way centre front zip and rear riding vents so if you want to hop in the saddle then go ahead. And if you're horse is like mine and hates hoods flapping about as you ride, don't worry - the hood is detachable, meaning less spooks and more happy riding. Perfect!

Another aspect I noticed is the tight cuffs, which means no wind or rain can sneak down your arms as you're lifting hay nets or riding. I know that sounds dramatic but there's no worse feeling that chilly arms and the rest of you is toasty!

The only thing I would say is the cuffs are quite air-tight, so if you hate a tight feeling jacket on your arms and you want more movement then size up, but I prefer a tight fitting jacket so for me it was perfect.

Overall it's another thumbs up from me and a big green tick for everything that I could want in a winter jacket. Even better they're available in Black or Wineberry and available from size 8 upwards. Priced at £125 or £87.50 for One Club Members, why treat yourself to One Club membership too by clicking here?  

I'm wearing the black in a size 8 in the photos above and have teamed the jacket up with the Harry Hall Checked Breeches!

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We're going to the PetPlan Championships at Hartpury - a dream come true!

Here it is.... Our Area Festival Finals write up! 🦄

My dressage journey this year has been so up and down. We finished 4th at the Senior Inter Regionals and then 2nd in the Sheepgate Tack and Togs Championships and have had some other super results too, but then it went downhill. 

I went off somewhere to get some Regional points and Zig spooked at B, jumped in the air and carried on. I laughed, because that’s Zig - so full of surprises and character. But then I walked into the cafe and as I walked up to the scoreboard I heard two people having a good bitch about how I “claimed” to have sorted Zigs spooking, and how hilarious it was he still did such stupid things. At that point I turned on my heels and left. I know in hindsight I should’ve said something but I didn’t. I wanted to be the bigger person. 

At that moment I vowed I was giving up BD, because it was too bitchy and selective. I wrote a post on here about taking some time out of dressage and maybe one day the love for it would come back. 

Now my partner isn’t horsey but he said he would support my decision, provided I thought about it and meant it, and it was what I truly wanted. When I couldn’t say I truly wanted to give BD up, but I needed help to overcome this fear of riding infront of people, he suggested finding a new instructor away from home. And that’s when he said about my now current instructor. He’d met her once for a photo shoot I was involved in last year and said how I just seemed to get on with her, so maybe I should try her.. 

And that’s when I sent an SOS text to Vicki, kind of detailing everything I felt, everything id experienced lately and no pressure but I was leaving it up to her to help find my mojo again!

Cor blimey she did - she installed this confidence in me that I’d struggled to find. When I told her I felt worthless riding in the warm up arena and how I hated riding down that centreline she said things like “trot down that centreline like you’re about to win the class. Ride at the judge the most positive you’ve ever ridden”. And not once has she ever laughed that I have these silly dreams with my little Irish pony. She always finds the positives and if I say something negative, turns it into a “....yes but look how different that was” or “... look how much more effective that became” and things like that.

I was determined to go into the warm up on Saturday feeling like I had every right to be there. I’m usually THAT rider that stops for everyone, apologises for getting in the way, despite them being the ones walking on the track or not going left to left. I was determined to stop that. 

* 

So Friday afternoon I took a half day from work and Ziggy and I trucked to Manor Grange. I wanted to bed him down then school him for 20 mins in the warm up arena. The hectic warm up arena last year had really got him (more likely me) in a muddle and I wanted a positive session in there.

He was ace; I just worked on moving him around, leg yielding as Vicki had said and having a play without asking too much as I don’t like to on the eve of a competition. 

Two girls started to watch me ride and focused on my every move. My anxiety was screaming “they’re looking at you” and my new found confidence shouted even louder “they’re just admiring Ziggy!”. Of course it helped he was going like a lamb. I love this pony!

I did 25 mins and then put him away and went off to set my own bed up. My air bed in the back of the lorry. Ugh. Meanwhile zig is tucked up, in a £60 a night stable eating haylage. How the other half live eh?! 🙄

I looked at all the big pop out lorries next to me with their misty windows from their lovely warm heating and created this idea in my head that I was DEFINITELY adopted and my real parents were some millionaires that could’ve provided me with all this.... haha! I joke! 

Anyway, then I had a quick couple of drinks with two ladies I befriended who were just normal like me! They had dreams, but not the typical dressage horse we see so much of. We sat dreaming of being in the big horse boxes with heating as we sat outside our little van conversions with our horses thermatexes over our legs! Then it was bed time. 

In the grand scheme of things I didn’t sleep too badly but all night my head was going over and over the test and the usual “do I know it...” “yes I do...” rubbish! God I could talk myself in and out of some rubbish I reckon!

Soon enough however my alarm was rattling off and it was 6am. Time to get up! I was the only daft enough person to be awake at that crazy time, but I wanted to muck out and give myself plenty of time to get ready. I was on at 9:49 and the arena walk ended at 8:45, so not much time between the two. 

The arena walk went fine. Zig went in a little apprehensive of the boards and the judges boxes near the cafe, so it really made me feel more positive that I’d done the arena walk. I think for now he needs them. I spent longer than I’d anticipated doing it but wanted to be sure he was relaxed in there, not like last year. Eventually he settled into the walk and so I hopped off, and went to watch the first person in. 

I watched one test then got back on myself. I kept telling myself and Zig to stay confident, stay positive that I deserved a place in that warm up arena and between the boards. Kate is always trying to make me feel better about the worries I have anxiety wise with how much I deserve to be there and don’t. She’s great and always spends time chatting to me about being open and honest in how I feel, but at the same time telling me to be positive and confident in that I CAN do it. It’s not that I’m scared, it’s that I feel I could do better all the time, and I’m always questioning my worth. 

I find i sit up more in sitting trot and so to begin the trotting in warming up, I did sitting trot. I was so adamant I didn’t want to do my usual curl up, lean forward and go into myself trick. I had every right to be there....keep thinking it. 

Zig felt so lovely to warm up. I know people say you should always find more to work on, but there wasn’t a thing I’d have changed about his warm up. He was loving every second and he was giving me his all - and in then I was smiling like a Cheshire Cat and loving it too. 

Soon enough it was my turn and Vicki came to find me. “Ride the test positively and like you mean it” she said, and off I went. 

Going down that centreline I rode smack bang to the judges and positively. I remember someone saying ride to them like you’re going to run them over and that’s what I did.

I made a conscious to sit up, ride the corners, keep the inside bend, but don’t let him fall on that right shoulder. Slight shoulder fore where I could feel him curling too much and keep his neck up, and keep the impulsion. 

The first canter to trot transition was a bit Blah in my eyes, I wanted it a little more fluid but such a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. Everything else felt nice. The walk was such an improvement in what I’d had been weeks before! We got a free walk, and I didn’t throw it away. 

The stretchy trot was nice at the end too and he didn’t rush or dive onto the forehand. Then up the centreline, ride for my life, massive smile because I’d blooming done it, sitting trot and then halt with a positive square halt. 

I welled up a bit actually, because for the first time in what seemed like forever I came out and thought “actually I did what I could, I enjoyed that and I want to do it again”. I hadn’t felt like that in BD in a LONG time! In fact this was my first BD in a long time! 

Vicki was clapping and said what did I think. I turned it on her and said “What did YOU think” - apparently I shouldn’t answer a question with a question but she said what I’d felt - the first canter trot transition was a little blah and she felt my canter could’ve been more forward but aside from that she was pleased.

And that’s kind of what mattered. Someone that I’d gone to whilst at my lowest with my self esteem in the ring had thought I’d ridden the test. Not sat there, not curled into myself and became a shy lamb on top of a horse, but RIDDEN! 

I wanted to cry there and then but quick slap on the wrist to myself and got on with it. Put zig away, literally hugged the blooming pony until he nuzzled me off because haylage was far more important than mum hugs! 

Got stuff sorted and didn’t want to check scores! But OMG - 68.12, putting us into 4th. Unfortunately only the top 4 qualified so I decided I was bound to be knocked down as I was only the 7th out of 28 to go in. People were bound to knock me out of the qualifying spot. 

I sat by that score board all blooming day, and if I didn’t I was refreshing my phone. It was agonising! Waiting for the last couple of results were horrific!

Then I saw there was a withdrawal, and it dawned on me that would mean only the top 3 would qualify. So even though I finished 4th, I’d narrowly missed out on my ticket. I walked back to the box, sat alone for 20 mins, had a cry that I’d been so close - and decided I’d keep fingers crossed for a wild card!

Prize giving. Didn’t feel like celebrating but I’d gotten talking to someone who had finished 2nd and was happy for them so stayed upbeat and told him I would hope for a wildcard. Hugged zig some more, cried some more about how I just always seem to be unfortunate and then cried because despite it all I was 4th in a huge class and I was proud of zig. Basically there was a lot of crying!

Anyway, prize giving.....

They went into reverse order, got to me and Jo read my name out and then as I got to her she shouted “This is your important envelope Siân!” - to which I replied “I haven’t qualified jo!” And she did the tut look she always gives me when I’m negative and said “YES YOU DID SIÂN!!” and literally at THAT very moment I realised I’d achieved my dream. 

I WAS GOING TO HARTPURY!!!!!

Stood at the podium like a Cheshire Cat, beaming, welling up, not knowing whether to laugh, cry, jump and hug someone or curl into a corner and cry. 

Managed to smile for photos between blurry eyes, walked to Zigs stable and found the stable manager Caroline at the stable. She said “how did you do?” And literally at that moment I fell onto her sobbing, she hugged me and I explained between sobs and snot I’d qualified. God I’m so embarrassing at times!

It felt physically and mentally - I don’t know. Was I exhausted? I’d had this dream. I’d worked so bloody hard, I’d shuffled work and lessons, done god knows how many 18 hour days to fit it all in..... I cried because it happened, I cried because I could finally relax a little, I cried because I was experiencing something I’d wanted for so long, but then I cried because grandad wasn’t here to see it, and then I cried because 4 years ago Ziggy didn’t trust me enough to barely come near me. Now we were going to Hartpury!!! We were going to the competition that Charlotte and Carl ride at. Ahhhhhhh 

😱

I didn’t let Zig for ages after that, I just stood with him, thanking him, telling him how much he’d made my dreams come true and how I’d never let him down. I SO wish grandad could’ve been there. I can’t tell you how much. 

And here begins my road to Hartpury. It’s scary, it’s exciting - I want to go and enjoy it, but also I’ve realised through Vicki that I want to go and I want to go and be as competitive as I can! Why should I feel like I’m making numbers up? I have to stop with that thought!

We’ve a long winter ahead and I need to cut my lessons down to fortnightly now the winters here, but I’m so excited! And my first question to Vicki was “So what do we work on next?!”. 

I know I sound like a stuck record, but this is a dream come true for me, and some may be thinking Jesus Siân it’s not that big of deal, but to me it is - there’s just so much emotionally I’ve dealt with, or at least tried to, to get there. And Ziggy started out 4 years ago, when I finally was able to ride him with 56% in an intro test. NEVER did I imagine he’d get 68.12% in a PetPlan final to get us a ticket to Nationals. 

Ziggy - if you could read this you’d see how proud you’ve made me.

Grandad - if you could read this, you’d see how much I wish you were here to share this. It’s all you ever wanted me to achieve, and when it’s time for Hartpury you’re coming with me in my locket of you, and I’m taking the picture of you in my glove again. 

Vicki - You gave me the confidence to ride between the boards and helped figure so much out, THANK YOU!

Kate - Your angry face texts when I say i can’t are appreciated. THANK YOU!

Fiona - You told me he’d be special. THANK YOU!

Here’s to counting down to April!

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We did it!

I’m not sure I even have the words to describe today. I contemplated just not saying anything, because what do you say when you cross the finish line with tears in your eyes, blurring your vision, and all you want to do is hold onto that feeling forever more. I don’t want this feeling to end. I want to bottle it up and keep it.

2 years ago I had this stupid idea I wanted to event Ziggy. God knows why because I’m not brave AT ALL! So to test the waters I entered the 70cm ODE at Eland Lodge. He did an almighty dressage to leave him in the top 5, then went onto to have 4 down in the SJ, and XC....? We were eliminated at the first fence, then the second, then the third, THEN zig realised his job and went on to finish the rest of the course clear. 

Massively in doubts over whether he’d make me an eventer and if he was brave enough to take me over the fences I sat there like a lemon over. One of us needed to be brave! So I left it. We did one more ODE at a small local equestrian centre which was 55cms. And I put my focus back onto dressage. 

Until, on a boring day back in December 2017, I declared I was bored of BD and I signed up to the wobbleberry challenge. Stupid really, given that I’d almost decided to give up jumping after suddenly developing this habit of not breathing over fences and making myself puke. True story..... the humiliating video is still floating on fb somewhere (thanks mum and Fiona 💁🏼‍♀️). 

Anyway, I’m waffling. SO! I found my brave knickers, I found two instructors that could sort me out and well, they kind of have. To the point where a few weeks ago I declared I was by now almost definitely bored of BD and I wanted a challenge. So I looked at BE events and decided which one I would set my heart on. One instructor said “please do an unaffiliated first, so you don’t set yourself back.” 

And that’s how I ended up at Keysoe today. But I almost didn’t end up there because the forecast rain and wind was awful and after deliberating ALL night (I’m not even kidding, I learnt my dressage test at 3am this morning I couldn’t sleep that bad). I woke up to my alarm at 5am this morning. Um’d and ahh’d and then just as my other half was nodding back off I declared “nope were off, come on get up, we’re late!”. 

So we set off to Keysoe to do the 70 class. On the way the wind and rain was horrific but no changing my mind now. 

Zig warmed up beautifully for dressage. I literally did 10 mins. Leg yielding and tapping that hind leg like Tracey had said to. Dropped the whip to go in and oh my life he became lazy AND spooky. Must admit to mumbling “not this again zig, they’re dressage letter boards” as I literally pulled my outside rein and kicked with inside leg whilst smiling like I was Charlotte on valegro! Thankfully judge didn’t notice too much and gave us a whopping 31, the second highest score out of the entire 2 70 sections! Wahoo!!

Onto showjumping. It was raining SO SO heavy now, and sideways. “I’m not doing this” I said to my other half. To which he told me to man up and get in. Tried to jump a practice fence, zig flew the brakes on whilst the steward screamed “LEGGGGGGG” at me. Ok, leg and we flew. Must remember to ride!!!! Told other half if we had trouble SJ’ing I’d retire from XC.

It was piddling it down now to a point i can’t describe but it was our turn. Bell went and Jesus he flew #1, almost pulled my arms out over 2, an upright, then to 3 an oxer, over 4, and then we hit 5. Right by the tables... he stopped, lept it, then carried on over the double, over the upright, then back over the big oxer to finish with 0 time penalties. Okay, he made nothing of them! Fist pump into the air. Oh shoot, clear meant I HAD to do XC now!

Quick change of clothes and over to XC. Still raining cats and dogs and sideways. Zig refused the first warm up fence. Gave him blooming big kick, told him to man up and he flew. Then they were calling my number. 

Over to the start box. God I love this bit. 10 seconds.... and we were off! Tapped for the first fence to wake him up, he flew, and over the 2nd a feeder, over the 3rd, and then round to the 4th a blooming big step up, he took an almighty leap, tripped a bit but carried on, thank god! Over the house, the log pile. He FLEW the coffin (see photo!). He hadn’t looked at a thing up until now. Aside from whinny the whole way round. Silly pony! Up to the water and could kick myself for this. I didn’t realise you could just dip your toes, so I literally flew into the water, zig tripped again - it was deep and we went through it all. Cost us some time, but clear so far so couple of taps on his bum and woke him up again, flew the fence coming out, and we were onto the home stretch! A simple log, slight angled fence, and then I could see the last one... growled at him, tap tap and he flew the big house to storm to the finish line!

We’d only blooming gone DOUBLE CLEAR!!!!

Knew we’d had time penalties and could’ve kicked myself when I saw we were winning had we not had XC time penalties! However, double blooming clear! Crossing that finish line I couldn’t hold back the tears! I honestly can’t believe how far we’ve come. Think back to 4 years ago, when this boy was unrideable, the spooks, how tricky he is at home - BUT he comes out on a day less than ideal weather wise and jumps blooming double clear!! Thrilled to say we finished 4th and highest dressage! 

I’m sorry for the long post, but goodness I love this little lion heart horse! ❤️🐴 MASSIVE confidence boost!! 

THANK YOU to everyone that’s helped me, my instructors; Kate and Sophie who have literally kicked my bum lately, followers, those that believe in us. I definitely think I’m hooked - BD doesn’t give the feeling coming out the start box and crossing those final flags does.... WE DID IT

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Fighting the fear...

Many of you will remember back in September, Ceaser, Ziggy and I attended the British Riding Club Nationals. In all honesty, it was a bit of a flop because I made a complete douche of myself by throwing up in both my show jumping rounds. You know, like you do?

Anyway, since then I've had a massive phobia of jumping in the public eye, and I've been very self conscious of people watching me jump.

To help, I've started having regular jumping lessons with two difference instructors. Oddly enough, both have never spoken, but both gave me the feedback that I ride too much into a fence, and I think about it too much instead of just letting it happen. I also don't breathe when I go over a fence, so we've been focussing on getting me talking whilst jumping, and simply not really thinking about the jump.

I’m not an emotional person but yesterday  I’ll admit, I finished my competition and I put Ziggy in the box, stood with him and cried. Happy tears. 

This combined training competition with the riding club has been on the back of my mind for a while. I didn’t want to let the team down again, and I didn’t want to jump in front of people. 

Zig warmed up beautifully for his Dressage and he did a lovely test to score 67.75%, putting us into second before the jumping. I know I needed to go clear. I felt the dressage possibly deserved slightly higher, but a couple of transitions were a little abrupt and the comments reflected this. He's so sensitive that if I put any pressure on he steadies or stops, which is honest of him I guess. 

The warm up was quite busy for jumping so I popped one fence and decided to bloody go for it. My instructors words of “sing to yourself” stuck in my head and just as I trotted in, I started singing my grandads favourite song. 

Zig started screaming and whinnying and was quite tense but whereas before I’d let this bother me, I gave him his rein and off we went. I couldn't get tense, or he'd pick up on it. Everything was going perfect until coming off the corner into fence 5, a double and the first part was a rather large spread. Zig slammed the breaks on and just as I was about to turn away and represent, zig said “I’ve got this” and took off, clearing the rest of the combination no trouble! I’m sorry, but HOW HONEST IS HE?! 

Honestly, sometimes he just never fails to amaze me, and I remember just how far he's come. 

❤️

We finished the rest of the course clear, and with no time penalties meaning we had gone clear and stayed on our Dressage, all whilst singing “catch a falling star..” and guess what? I wasn't at all feeling sick, which was such a great feeling. 

I might sound like a sap, but I’m so, so proud of him. He looked after me 100% at that fence. Back to the box we went and he had so many cuddles! I feel like he’s back, and after the winter we’ve had, his virus etc - it’s all coming together.

Watching the score board like a hawk, we finished on 2nd, narrowly missing out on a place at the Nationals as an individual but absolutely over the moon to realise our TEAM HAD WON overall, so we're off to Nationals as a team!

It will be all systems go now as we prepare for the championships, and will spend a lot of time focussing on not riding too much around a course and trusting that Ziggy can do it. I want to try and fit as many lessons in as possible to give us every best chance! Watch this space....

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When a BD rider decides to change the D to an E!

Way back when I used to love jumping, I'd often be found in the workers ring on my little 12.2h Welsh Section B Sara (who should get more mentions than she does), flying round the course. She was - and still is - a machine. We'd always go clear as she never knocked a fence, and always jumped what was in front of her if she felt you were with her enough.

We were workers champions three consecutive years, rode at Moorgreen County Show where we did a nice clear round in the 75cm class and were always coming home with red ribbons.

Then, one odd day in July, some 14 years ago now (oh my life I'm officially old!!), when jumping in the field at home I cantered towards a rather huge jacobs ladder, with my friend cheering me on and BAM. Sara refused, realising her small size would struggle to get over and instead I was safely deposited over the jump alone. Only for her then to realise it's okay, mum's done it and jump it swiftly after me, crashing into my face.

I can't honestly remember much else, apart from limping down the field, onto the yard and absolutely sobbing with a very funny looking arm, bruised face and cut lip. Someone shouted for my dad, who was off walking the dog somewhere and all I remember is breaking my arm.

Fast forward 6 weeks, having begged my parents to an inch of their life to get back on, my cast was taken off, I was given the all clear and my friend and I stupidly thought I should attempt the jump AGAIN, at the SAME height. My twenty-something-self is currently cursing my teenage self at her stupidity, but hey. I'm sure you know whats coming....

We cantered as fast as we could into the jump, and once again I was deposited the other side and this time Sara thought better of joining me and stayed where she was.

Anyway, another trip to hospital occurred, non-horsey mum was livid, shouted at dad that she was taking me on holiday in 2 weeks and now i'd have to go with an arm in a sling. Thankfully not broken, but badly sprained and ordered to be in a sling for 3 weeks. Not sure I took much notice of that though.

So, since that day my confidence jumping took a bit of a knock. We returned to workers, but didn't really attempt bigger than 80cm from that day on and I always avoided any kind of spread in any form. The sight of jacobs ladders made me want to throw up a tiny bit and you'd be surprised how many times I heaved my way around a show jumping, finished and almost threw up afterwards. Dad called it an embarrassment, I said I could'nt help it.

Anyway, not long after my love for dressage began and all things show jumping was put on a back burner. I outgrew Sara and never found a pony I really enjoyed jumping again.

During university I joined the equestrian team, and jumped for them. It was during th
ese three years that I found my love for jumping once more, but still lacked the pony that had the courage to take me round bigger and more challenging tracks. I was keen to get back into it, but just didn't have the horse!

....and then, as if by magic. Some say we were meant for one another and just waiting for each other to come along. Ziggy arrived! When he arrived we had no idea what he jumped like, but soon enough after we managed to get him going it was evident he jumped like a stag! Then the rest they say is history.

We're here. Ziggy is bold, brave - everything I'd hoped. Aside from being a little spooky, he'll jump anything I put him at. and me? I sit there and hope to God we get over safely, and slowly I'm trying to put my big girl pants on and go Eventing. My hopes of making him a dressage pony are far dashed as people have told me he's too talented to prance about all day.


So, here it is! Our challenge is a BE80. We've accomplished various One Day Events and all sorts, that Eventing is really what I want to do with him now.

However, I just need to cross a tiny bridge. And that tiny bridge seems to be the fact I now throw up when I'm competing over a course of jumps and several people are watching....

Anyway, follow our journey - it might be an interesting one!

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Did someone say Nationals?

I'm sure you all remember me writing (freaking out) about qualifying Ziggy for the RC Nationals a couple of weeks ago in Show-Jumping and how thrilled I was that both him and Ceaser would be going together after the old boy collected his golden ticket for dressage too. Well...

At that point I was trying to figure out how I'd have a cat in hells chance of riding Ceaser in the senior team dressage test and making it to Ziggy's show jumping class on time, given that they both had basically the same start time. Never a dull moment at camp Lovatt!

Anyway, my first Nationals experience just got a whole lot more complicated, and don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely bloody thrilled to be writing this albeit wondering if I can clone myself at the same time.

At the qualifier Ziggy finished second in his arena meaning he narrowly missed out on a golden ticket to nationals as an individual, which I was gutted about at the time as it would've been lovely to have both boys going to compete in the dressage and at that point he hadn't qualified in show-jumping so I was unsure he'd even be going.

Well, someone upstairs must have thought I'd been good these last couple of weeks and yesterday I had an email to say the person that actually won in Ziggy's arena was ineligible to compete at Prelim, so technically my wonder boy won, meaning we HAVE got our place at nationals in dressage. Thus equating to (yes both boys representing our region in dressage) a rather manic day ahead.

I'm absolutely delighted, as I wanted nothing more than both the boys with me there, representing the region in something I take a great deal of pleasure from doing. I'm unsure where Ceaser's 'affiliated' career is going after this, so it could well be the last 'big' event I campaign him at (more info at a later date), which makes it all the more special to have both of them there with me, at Ziggy's first attempt too.

It all seems pretty surreal still at the moment. I never in my wildest dreams imagined Ziggy would pick the dressage up so quickly, and be so successful at an early age and all that know me can vouch for how absolutely shell shocked I was to bag a golden ticket in show-jumping. I'm the girl that never used to jump! Then Ceaser....where do I start? He went out to the qualifier having done very little competing for 12 months, after some time off with his eye and just won. I count my blessings with them both everyday.

Basically, what I'm saying is, if anyone is going to Lincoln and has a spare pair of hands then please yell - or if I look like I need a Vodka, please pass me one.

On that note, I'll leave it there - I just had to share my excitement. We're all allowed to blow our own trumpet every once in a while aren't we? :)

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When it all just goes okay - Our Petplan journey

I don't need to make any introduction to Ziggy if you're an avid follower of my facebook page, twitter, Instagram or if you were there from the beginning when this petrified young pony quite literally fell into my life with a bang. I'll post the first proper riding photo I have of him, just to show how far he's come!

For those who don't know, I'll give you a quick insight. At the time I was looking for a potential dressage pony that wouldn't cost the earth, and that would take me around a course of jumps safely as well. I didn't mind something that needed some work, but I didn't want something too green because of working full time.

...and along came Ziggy, a 3-year-old Irish Sports Pony. Advertised on Facebook for several months, I watched his price drop and drop because of his so called issues. Something about this boy caught my eye but I just don't know what and I made a stupid offer of very little, half thinking "Ahh they wont accept that, I'm fine - it doesn't matter I've never seen this pony in the flesh!", only to have an instant reply that he was mine and he'd arrive the following day!

This gangly looking pony arrived, petrified of everything; generally of life, and I was wondering what the heck I'd done. As were friends, family and all connections. No one quite knew then what he'd turn into. Apart from my friend Fiona who turned to me when she came to meet him and said "He's going to be a star, you'll never sell him!". "I will" I said, "He's not stopping- he's here to find a nice home and then I'm getting my dressage pony!"

The following weeks were testing to say the least. 6 weeks to get on a pony without it standing up on two legs and bolting was a little more greener than I had in mind, but hey! Then when we were on, we attempted our first jump and boy I realised this pony could jump...and the rest is history!

So, fast forward 2 and a bit years and our days haven't been plain sailing. Ziggy being petrified of people was the least of my worries when I realised it wasn't really people he was petrified of, it was everything, including butterflies!

We've had our days where I've broken down in tears sat on his back after feeling like we're getting nowhere, I've had the days where I feel on top of the world. This pony that was once petrified is now one of the most loving ponies I've ever come across. Going into a fence he has the heart of a lion and will jump most things you put him at - he just wants to please.

Without delving deeper into his issues, which I try to just forget and concentrate on the good bits, I decided after some good 70%+ scores in British Dressage, I should attempt the PetPlan Area Festivals. The rest they say is history!

We managed to get our qualifying scores in just two BD visits and at the same time be selected to represent the Northern Region in the Senior Inter Regionals, be picked to represent the local riding club, narrowly miss a place for RC nationals by coming 2nd (but to my gorgeous veteran, Ceaser whom I was also riding so I can't grumble!) and lots more.

With a couple of good scores under our belt I felt confident enough to go out and play with the big boys at the PetPlan 1st rounds. Stupidly I completely missed the Arena UK entry deadline - my head was in the clouds as always and I realised I'd have to wait until slightly later and do the Sheepgate class.

The week before Ziggy had been a total nightmare, in fact I didn't even get on him for 7 days because of the wind, and he was just being a complete tool. He was spooking everywhere at the slightest of things, and generally being uncooperative to say I had a big competition coming up - as if he new. To make matters worse, we were representing our riding club on the sunday at the area show jumping qualifier.

The Thursday leading up to the PetPlan class on the Saturday saw me send an SOS text to one of the local riding instructors that has taught us before and knows how spooky Zig can be. I told her I needed some help and quick, if we had any chance of getting to either competition at the weekend.

Friday evening and our lesson came and I hopped on Zig wondering what our lesson would bring. For those who are reading and own horses, you'll probably know what I'm about to say. He was an absolute star!! We did lots of transitions, shallow loops in both trot and canter and working on getting him to concentrate and not turn his mind elsewhere, which he's very good at. But he was fabulous and my instructor deemed his trot work worth lots of 7.5's and told us to go and kick ass!

Thankfully we've been to sheepgate a few times as its our local venue so I was confident but slightly apprehensive about the dressed up arenas - more for Zig to look and spook at. I was having a panic attack I'd not learnt my test and the warm up arena was absolutely buzzing, which always worries me slightly because I know Zig's spooks can come out of anywhere and if its busy, there's the risk of running into someone.

A couple of good friends came to support us and said his work in the warm up looked nice, which gave me some confidence. He was warming up like a dream and our terrors the week before seemed a distant memory (bloody horses!!!). Soon it was time for us to go into the arena and to enable him to have a quick look around I trotted half way around the arena, on one rein, changed the rein and did the same on the other rein. No excuses for him to spook as he'd seen things on both reins now and I was willing him to just do this for me.

Soon enough the buzzer rang and off we entered up the centre line. The judge at C was smiling at me as I entered and I couldn't help but beam back - I've never had that before, and I truly believe it set us off for a really nice test. We were entered into the Prelim 19 silver section and I love riding Prelim 19 as well, which helps.

Ziggy felt supple, and he was really listening to everything I asked. Our circles felt great, his trot work was super and his transitions were all where they should be and as soon as I asked. I don't think I've ever smiled so much through a test! Trotting back up the centre line I beamed at the judge at C, halted, saluted and literally fell into Ziggy hugging him.

We walked out the arena to my friends who all greeted us with huge smiles saying it was one of the best tests they'd seen us do, and Fiona who follows our journey said how Ziggy hadn't noticed the horse in the arena next to us almost doing cartwheels was beyond her. It just shows how much he's grown up!

I quickly popped him away and checked the live scoring online to see where we were lying in the scores. My ambition had initially been to just get a top 10 placing but inside I wanted a place on the podium, I wanted to be in the top 3. The first two scores were up and they'd scored over 67%. I lost hope then and stopped refreshing the page for a while, but when I did I couldn't believe my eyes - we had over 68% and in the lead with only 2 more horses to go!

Unfortunately (I say unfortunately, but I don't mean it like that) the last horse pipped us to the post with over 70% but I was absolutely beaming and over the moon to be second and get that elusive place on the podium, as well as a place at the finals later in the year. I honestly couldn't have been prouder.

*

The next day we were up at the crack of dawn to head to the area show jumping and again for those that know me, I HATE show jumping competitions. An accident aged 14, has left me petrified of spreads, but for some reason Ziggy makes me love show jumping and we've done a few ODE's, with our goal being a BE before the year end is out. Anyway, I only put my name down to help the team out and walking around the course I could've quite easily thrown up! (maybe the night out with the young farmers the evening before didn't help, but..)

"I'm not doing it!" I said to Fiona.... and you don't need to hear her reply, but it consisted of a few words I can't repeat, all you need to know is, she basically said I had no choice.

I'll fast forward my jabbering and get on with the fact that my once petrified of everything pony produced two super confident rounds, took me over things I'd said I wouldn't get him near and our team only went and won meaning we had qualified for the RC Nationals! Which when I was told, I nearly threw up again. "You mean I've got to go out and do ALL that again in a few weeks in a bigger class?!" were my words!

Overall, we had a super weekend and my worries the week before of whether I was good enough, whether Zig was good enough, whether I had what it takes to get him to where I think he deserves to be were all gone and we were on cloud 9.

Follow us on our journey now to the final PetPlan rounds in Autumn!

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Admitting there's a problem is half way to solving it...

I always said when I started this blog that I’d be nothing but honest and true to my word, so when it dawned on me yesterday just exactly how I’d been feeling of late, I wanted to share it with my readers, but felt apprehensive to finally put pen to paper (fingers to keys) and admit what’s going round my head. However, I was soon stopped in my tracks and in more ways than one. 

When I admitted to my good friend and instructor how I’d been feeling she simply said “I can tell.”. and then I told a livery and she said “It’s winter, we’re all feeling the same.”. Then finally I shared a small update on my Facebook page and suddenly I was inundated with messages of support and people telling me they’ve been feeling the same. 

Without realising, I breathed a sigh of relief. Not because people were feeling the same, but because I’d just admitted something I wasn’t immensely proud of and it’d been accepted by those close to me like it was nothing. In real life it’s not much to admit, and to my non-horsey friends it means nothing, but to others it’ll be a pretty big deal - or so I thought. 

I’ll try keep this short, I promise. 

As you all know, roughly 18-months ago I purchased a pony, Ziggy. He was unrideable and would do nothing but stand on his hind legs and bolt every time you got your foot in the stirrup. When it came to managing to get on him, he couldn’t comprehend the fact you had to sit up and be taller than him - he was a nervous wreck and so many times I wondered why the heck I’d agreed to buy a pony with so many problems when I had so little time. But I did. I took that chance and slowly, but surely, he began to come round. 

Fast forward a year and we’d achieved some fantastic unaffiliated dressage results, been XC schooling, show jumping and even hunting. He was a gem in every way and always aimed to please. BUT. There’s always a but. He's complex. He’s spooky, he’s sharp, he’s quirky and I can never quite work out what he’s thinking. But he’s talented, and that’s always what had stopped me from selling him.

Before I left for America we were getting somewhere. We were hunting twice a week, jumping the biggest we’d ever jumped and finally I felt like it was all clicking into place. Then I left for a month and by the time I arrived home the dark nights were upon us and the mornings weren’t much better. 

Slowly, without realising it much at first, Ziggy’s spooking got worse. Considerably worse. It wasn’t constant, it wasn’t always expected and it was at the most silliest of things; from a butterfly, to a pole on the ground he’d previously trotted around for 10 minutes. At first I brushed it off and just put it down to him being fresh, but over the next 2 months it got much worse. 

In the meantime I met someone who rode him for me and who proved he is talented at jumping - with a gutsy rider on top. 

Without realising, I started to favour riding Ceaser again and where previously I’d split my time equally between the two I started to notice Ziggy was being left in his stable more and I’d brush off riding him. However, when I did get on him I enjoyed it 75% of the time. I enjoy nothing more than the feeling he gives me when he learns something new like his walk to canters. In fact just last month he did his first flying change and as I fist pumped (don’t try this at home kids) the air in happiness, I finally felt like we were achieving something. But days like that were marred with the constant spooking, the constant nervousness and him being on edge whilst being ridden. At the same time though, he’s the first horse since Sara I’ve felt confident enough to push myself on when jumping. He’s the first horse that’s managed to gain my confidence back jumping after my fall, and so… in reality, I couldn’t put my finger on what I was feeling. I just knew I wasn’t enjoying him like I should be. 

I wrote this on my Facebook update, but I want to delve deeper into it. Ziggy isn’t Ceaser. He doesn’t give me that comfortable, arm-chair feeling Ceaser gives me. When I say arm-chair, I don’t mean comfy, I mean he doesn’t give me that comfortable, knowing feeling you get when you sink into YOUR chair. He doesn’t give me the feeling you get when you put on your pair of favourite shoes you’ve had since forever! He feels like those new pair of shoes you’ve bought that are comfy but just aren’t quite your old pair. He gives me the feeling of the sofa that’s next to your comfy chair, but you can’t sit there but someones in it. 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s so many feelings he does give me and when we’re having a good day I feel like the world is our Oyster and we can achieve the unthinkable. I shouldn’t compare him to Ceaser, I know it’s unfair, but it’s also hard. 

I’ve tried several things to stop the spooking; from ignoring it, to not making a big deal out of it but letting him know it’s wrong, to patting and reassuring him it’s okay, to telling him off. No strategy has worked and lately I’ve been thinking it’s me. As I watch the “gutsy rider” ride him, I see nothing but a well-behaved, talented young pony that could do so much. As I ride, I feel like I’m on a 3-year-old that’s just been backed. 

I flick through Facebook at night and I see my friends 5-year-olds jumping round courses and competing at Novice and Elementary dressage and I wonder where I went wrong. Is it something I did to Ziggy that has put us so far behind? Did I not push him enough, did I push him too much, did I not ride enough, did I ride him too much? The list of questions I’ve asked myself is endless. Why is he so spooky? He knows me by now, he knows our arena, he knows our routine, but still a mere butterfly or pole on the ground can cause him to drop his shoulder a considerable amount and bolt. 

As I’m writing this and I read back through it, I feel like I sound like I don’t enjoy him. I love this boy to bits. He’s probably one of the most affectionate horses I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. He wont hurt a fly and loves nothing more than cuddles and to be groomed. Several times when we’ve been jumping he's gotten me out of a few tricky situations where I’ve failed to see a stride or have gotten my line wrong. Out hunting he behaved like he’d lived with hounds all his life. When we’re competing he acts like he’s been competing all his life. He looks to me for support and if I say it's fine he trusts my instinct and goes. If I say no, he'll wait. He's the type that would be everyones dream. But for some reason, we can’t crack the spooking at home. 

In the last two weeks it had made me more and more miserable. I had plans to hunt this winter with him and I wanted to get him out doing some affiliated dressage as soon as possible, but we just weren’t getting anywhere. The excuses about dark nights and it being cold started to come out and I’d ride when I felt like it. I declared I was giving up, selling him and buying something more reliable that didn’t require as much work. My work schedule means that sometimes I can be away from home for unto 4/5 days a week and sometimes if I’ve got an early start of late finish I don’t have the time to ride. Ceaser slotted into my routine perfectly, but Ziggy was struggling and I had doubts this was all going to work. Would he be better off in a home that could give him more? Would I be better off with a horse that little bit older that didn’t require as much bringing on?

Then last week, I messaged my good friend and instructor Fiona and asked her to come and give me a jumping lesson on him because I needed some help. To prove what he’d been doing he tripped on a bit of rubber, which consequently hit the arena fence, which caused him to violently drop his shoulder and then spook; throwing me off balance once again and nearly resulting in me hitting the deck. Thankfully I’m becoming used to the art of staying on and as I got my stirrup back I shouted to Fiona this was getting ridiculous. 

So, we went back to basics, trotting around the arena, doing lots of transitions and circles, changes of rein and so on - all in trot. Guess what, he didn’t spook once. Then I began to relax and the next time we trotted around the poles on the ground he once again violently dropped his shoulder, shot to the side and tried to run. With that I stopped, waited for Fiona to join us and before I knew it I was admitting I’d lost my confidence - not to ride him, not to get on, but in myself and my ability to deal with this. Before I could even think about it the words were out my mouth but I felt a sense of relief that I’d finally admitted what was wrong. 

Fiona asked me one question. She asked if I’d relaxed, and when I said yes she said she knew. I asked her how she knew and she told me she’d watched me stop riding and then Ziggy spook. As soon as I took my leg off and stopped concentrating he spooked almost immediately. I guess I’d done it without realising, but it didn’t help the fact I didn’t think I was capable and I was heavily doubting my ability to take this pony any further. 

After a pep talk (and arse-kicking), Fiona sent me on my way and we worked on popping a course of fences in a controlled manner. Soon enough, the hour was over and Ziggy hadn’t spooked once. In fact we had a fantastic time and I found myself smiling over the fences - something which doesn’t happen often. 

So I guess, somewhere in the middle of all this I lost my confidence in myself and my ability….and Ziggy followed. Now it's time to get it back, not just for me but for him too. 

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