"Annie May, are you eating a dog biscuit?" - The perplexed Aunty

Many of you have asked me over the last couple of weeks why I haven't written another instalment of 'The Perplexed Aunty'. You can find instalment one, two, three, and four by clicking those links!

So you're probably wondering where we are now? Well, Annie May is just over a year old and looking forward to her second Christmas. Just last week I took her to see Santa and as he asked what she wanted for Christmas I shouted "A PONY!!", only for my sister to give me the biggest disapproving look and tell Santa he had better not deliver a pony. The joke will be on her when on one Christmas Day in the future, a pony does arrive. What's even funnier is that I'll never let on to my sister when its going to be.

The last year has been a whirlwind. It's quite funny how this little person has us all wrapped around her two teeny little sticky fingers.

Lets talk about my sister managing to raise a little person. Long gone are the days where we can have a phone conversation without "Annie May" being screeched in my ear, because she's up to something she shouldn't be.

Just the other day our conversation went a little like this:

Terri-ann: "For goodness sake Sian, she's eating something!"

Me: "Eh?"

Terri-ann: "I haven't given her anything, so she's found something."

Me: "Well what is it?"

Terri-ann: "Annie May, what's in your mouth? Show me whats in your mouth? Can I have some please?"

....silence...

Terri-ann: "Ffs Sian, I think she's eating dog food. Annie May are you eating a dog biscuit?"

And it turns out the dog had decided to thank Annie for all the food she shares with her, by bringing Annie a dog biscuit in from the kitchen and dropping it at her feet.

(disclaimer: Annie's normal diet isn't dog biscuits...She usually prefers Ella's Kitchen.)

Anyway, moving on. Soft play. Gosh where do I start? Ever since I've been aware of the bugs and germs soft play holds, I've been hesitant and dubious about going near them. Apparently the balls in those ball pits are full of more poo and germs than anyone cares to think about. And so I vowed I'd never set foot in one again.

That was until we ventured to White Post Farm the week before Christmas and before I knew it I found myself removing my shoes and coat and following Annie May into the germ infected child maze.

I remember how fun it was to run around these as a kid, throwing yourself into the ball pits, dodging other children and bouncing on huge bouncy balls. All was going well, and I managed to momentarily forget about wanting to get out and anti-bac my hands until two things happened.

Lets pick apart the first problem I came up against. These maze's aren't made for adults, they're designed for kids, and whilst I still boast about the fact I can fit into some kids clothes, I found myself a bit unstuck for a minute.

Remember those swirly things that look like a car wash in the middle of soft play. You know the things you basically fling your body through and then roll out of? Yeah. I met one of those. Annie stood there waiting for me to go first, not even realising the gap was so tiny, I wondered how any human fitted through it. But she wanted to go through, and it was up to me to go first.

So, my head went through, and that's when I got caught. Now, I haven't got huge boobs, and some days I sit there and think "this top would really look nice with bigger ones", but today I was thankful for my fried eggs, because as I got half way to my chest I almost got stuck and my fried eggs became pancakes. How anyone else with a normal chest size would get through there is beyond me. Amen to the eggs!

Anyway, so I'm through to the car wash roller things and after convincing Annie to stick her head through the gap, I grabbed her arms and helped her through we were on our way up to the top.

Now, second issue. We came to the tunnel. Annie thought it was hilarious to sit half way in the tunnel and each time I went to come through or grab her she'd do something to stop me and let out the biggest giggle. So we played there and all was going fine, until I remember the worst thing about soft play.

Mum's, Dad's, Aunties, Uncles....anyone that went in that tunnel after Annie, and Annie, if you're reading this on your 18th birthday, I apologise....

I wasn't prepared for what came next. There's no air gaps in tunnels, and usually they smell of cheesy feet. Today, that was not the case.

She must have done the biggest poo whilst sat in that tunnel, because one minute I went from sticking my head in and feeling fine, to then sticking my head in and nearly gagging.

Me: "Have you done a poo Annie May?"

Giggle....

Me: "Annie May, lets go down and find mummy!"

Giggle again as she snatches her hand away

Me: Whilst trying not to barf, and not breathe through my nose... "Annie May come on, lets go to mummy for a minute"

And thankfully that time I managed to grab her, and for the entire 2 minutes it took me to negotiate everything backwards, including pancake time again, I breathed through my mouth. This being an Aunty lark is merely all about multitasking!

Anyway, so that's Annie May. Full of character, full of cheekiness and has us all wrapped around her little finger we'll do anything she wants us to! The last year has been full of fun, laughter and smiles. Each time I see her she's learnt something new and has new demands. Mum very quickly taught her to say "Up!" each time she wants picking up, so all we seem to hear is "Up" whilst two sticky hands are reaching out to us. Good job she's cute!

That's all for now. Have a good Christmas!

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Labels: Annie , annie may , baby , blogger , bloggers , child , cute , mum blog , mummy blog , niece , perplexed aunty , PerplexedAunty