**
Friday started off rather hysterical. I'd moved from camping under the stars in the middle of the night to the front of the truck and to my delight (horror more like) woke up staring face-to-face with a mouse that seemed to be living in the truck!
The ride home was a little quieter than the ride out to cow camp; everyone was tired and ready for a nap however we were all quite excited to find out the results of the EU Referendum and were eager to get 3G again to find out!
Upon arriving home Cowboy Paul announced he was leaving and thankfully everyone gave me 10 minutes alone to speak to him. I hung on to him like there was no tomorrow, I sobbed into his chest whilst he held me and quite honestly everything that I'd been feeling over the last several months, every inch of struggle the last year had been.... it all came out.
Cowboy Paul held me for as long as I needed and quite honestly that's all I'd needed for so long; to be held as I cried and let it all out, to tell someone how I was about the unfairness of everything that happened and for someone to tell me it was all going to be okay ... and mean it.After waving Paul off, Russell and I sat on the bench talking about the curveballs life throws at us, how we deal with them and how each individual deals with it in their own way. We sat for hours watching the sunset fall over the mountains just talking and sharing our plans for when we got home.
It was at that moment I realised I was truly done running, I was done hiding from my fears back home, hiding from reality and dealing with what I needed to. I was exhausted, truly exhausted from running; all I wanted to do was sleep and relax, then head back home and deal with everything head on and be stronger than I'd ever been before. I needed to take the leap of faith, I needed to do things that made me happy and follow my heart as well as my head.
It was at that moment I knew that tomorrow morning I was going for some me time and then I was going home to face my fears.
**
The next morning I went to the airport, sorted flights back home and whilst on the Salt Lake City to Amsterdam flight I booked a one way ticket to Malta for the same day as well as a Hotel and set out relaxing on a beach for a week!
I sat next to the most lovely guy on the Salt Lake to Amsterdam flight, he very kindly leant me his jacket to keep me warm on the long flight. We got talking and somehow its like he knew I wanted to talk and told me to pour my heart out to him. So I did..... I didn't know this guy, apart from he had the most beautiful wife, a young son, two gorgeous daughters and he was heading home from his last trip away from home for work before his whole family made a big move from South-Africa to America. His two daughters were at college and university in America already and he visited them he could and when he was there with work.
They were scared, they were apprehensive but most of all they were excited at the prospect of finally being a family that never had to be apart again. They were excited at planning their new future, but most of all to the next chapter in their lives.
He sat and he talked, he listened, he gave me advice and he let me sleep when I wanted to, watch the movie, eat in silence and then we talked some more. I'll genuinely never forget the advice he gave me, his kindness and his words of following my dreams, my heart and grasping life whilst I can.
**
Finally when I touched down in Manchester, I made the phone call to someone I needed to and waited for my flight to Malta, to finally relax, put the past behind me and enjoy some time to sleep and catch up on everything I'd missed over the last several months.Whilst in Malta I visited the church Granddad, Mamma and I used to always make an effort to go to. I sat and listened to a maltese mass, sat in the peacefulness of the tranquil church and remembered the times I'd spent there with Granddad.
I spoke to him like he was sat next to me on the bench, I begged him to help me see why things happen and what the reasons are; I told him I trusted he was leading me on the right path and I told him I hoped I was making him proud.
I sat on the beach catching a tan, I spoke to varying people about the EU Referendum, I visited the church some more and I enjoyed taking the time to sort out what I wanted and realised although the fight in me was gone, I was still going to fight and you had to follow your heart and you had to believe you'd get what you wanted. But most of all, you had to realise...Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, this isn't the end.
...And when I got home, I started a new job and took the leap of faith into believing that everything will sort itself out
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