I'm sure I'm not alone when I say for weeks, if not months I wondered whether the decisions I've made lately have been the right ones. I've pondered whether the choices have been correct, or if I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life.A few months ago when life got a little bit tough and stressful I decided I needed to eliminate some of the stress from my everyday life and I made the decision to take some time away from competing Ceaser in his affiliated dressage. There's a reason dressage takes the nickname 'stressage' and I was fed up of score chasing, wondering what I needed to qualify for next and fed up of putting pressure on both myself and Ceaser.
The decision didn't come easy and for days after I'd pulled out of one of the biggest competitions of the year I sat and pondered whether I'd ever get the chance to do that with Ceaser again or if I'd regret this decision for the rest of my life. However the pros of doing so outweighed the cons. I was starting to loose my temper at this horse that had been there throughout everything for me, and for no apparent reason. He'd been the one that was always there for me, cheered me up when I was feeling down in the dumps and he was my life. But, with things a little difficult I was starting to ride, train for a competition and was putting an immense amount of pressure on us both. If things didn't go right I got snappy and I didn't want to be THAT person. I didn't want to be THAT rider.
So one night, I decided it was time to take a step back. I decided to give up the dressage dream for a bit and focused my attention on hacking Ceaser, having some lessons, jumping him, taking him to the beach and having fun. I was enjoying showjumping Ziggy and in doing so my passion for this sport was returning. Not once did I miss what I wasn't doing and not once did I envy seeing my friends photos of them competing in dressage, because I was finding the reason I did all this again... I was having fun.After not really putting much thought into it all I found myself booking Ceaser into the Tack & Togs BD Championships. Without thinking about it I realised I wanted to do it and for the first time in a while was looking forward to it.
He warmed up beautifully; possibly the best he had in months and months of competing. Maybe because I wasn't there to score chase, but rather to have some enjoyment and have a change of scenery. Warming up I wasn't thinking what I needed to do to get a good score, I was having a laugh with a good friend who had come to watch me and before I knew it we were due to go in.
Novice 38 is a favourite of mine, I feel its one of those tests that just rides well and flows nicely. Ceaser felt fantastic and much better than I'd expected to say he hadn't really done much schooling of late. I was half expecting to feel like I was riding a wooden horse that didn't want to bend around corners, but he didn't.I didn't want the test to end, I wanted this feeling to last forever and I wanted to soak every second of it in as much as I could. His medium trots were actually existent and to me it felt like I was riding Valegro.
For a long time I'd gotten used to the idea that Ceaser would never hit the elusive 70% at novice affiliated level. I'm constantly being told "needs to be more uphill" but the question is, how do you make a 24-year-old cob cross become uphill? You can't. We try and we make the best of what we've got and for me that's always been and will be enough. Last year when I hit 68% at an area festival in the novice I was over the moon and thought "this is it, this is the highest it will ever be".
Yet today not only marked the moment that I realised all those decisions I'd made, all that time I'd spent wondering if I was doing the right thing with taking some time out from competing Ceaser had been the right choice. It also marked the moment my horse of a lifetime proved that despite the stigma that comes with those unconventional dressage horses, that if you want it and work towards it, good things can happen. My horse with the heart of a lion absolutely smashed his previous personal best score of 68% and hit almost 71% with 70.98%.Thrilled? Over the moon? Happy? Emotional? Quite honestly, I was all of them...
It just goes to show that usually our instincts are right and in our hearts we know the best thing to do and when a decision is worth making. I'm glad I followed my heart because it looks like the change and rest has done us both the world of good.
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